Step Away From The Computer!!

I realized today that I have ZERO self control! Not just with food or clothes, but in this case with men from my past. A black hole from the past im'd me while I was away from the computer. Instead of being the strong woman I know I can be, I answered the im. As soon as I hit send I knew I had made a terrible mistake! After I hit that little button a rush of feeling and emotion came towards me like an emotional tsunami! Am I happy? Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I all three???

I was all three! I was happy to hear from him, there is no logic as to why, but I was. I was sad, he trampled all over my heart and hitting that button forced me to relive that heart break. Most of all I was mad! How dare you ask for sympathy, pity or any other feeling from me when you were so cold to me! How dare you tell me that you miss me or for that fact how dare you say anything to me at all!

A few moments after I realized my mistake I im'd my angel in waiting, my soul sister Shar. She's one of those fantastic unsung here of a friend who sets you straight. And that's what she did!

So after ten minutes of walking around the house why I hit my head saying, "I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid". I took Shar's very wise advice and I blocked him. I've blocked him before, but for some unknown, incoherent reason I unblocked.

I need to use this moment of weakness/insanity to remind myself to think with my head and not to lead with my heart. I tend to lead with my heart and think about the consequences later. Great... Now I have to ponder this all over again....

Let's Do This One More Time

2010 has been a whirl wind for me. I was single, had a boyfriend, got engaged, was planning a move and in a blink of the eye it ALL changed. I've spent the pass 6 months "mourning" what I had and what I lost. Out of the heart ache, the tears, the sadness, I've found a bit of myself again. I don't regret what's happened in the past 10 months, I think because of it I've taken with me a few life lessons. I will never let myself fall that quickly, Love is a real awesome thing and that I am way stronger than I realized!

So with the heartache more and more behind me, I'm now forced to focus on me. I have yet to make me a priority. Hell, I don't even know where to start, but I'll find the way. So for the two people who follow this I'm going to take you on my journey with me. The ups and downs, the good days & bad, the good dates & the bad. Hopefully at the end of this I'll have a better understanding of who I am.