Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I've been having a total foot in mouth day. Correction, foot in mouth week! I like to pride myself as a straight forward woman, but when I was trying to be coy and flirty I lost all my straight forwardness. I'm so confident most everything that I do, but for some reason lately I have lost most of my confidence when it comes to dating.

I've always had a love me or leave me mentality, but for some reason with this new interest I haven't been that way. What is wrong with me?!?!?! I've been over analyzing everything and I do mean everything!

I think the main thing is that I don't know where I stand with him. I don't know if I'm the only girl or if I'm one of twenty. I don't know how to broach the subject with out sounding crazy or needy. I wish I had some sort of answer!

Step Away From The Computer!!

I realized today that I have ZERO self control! Not just with food or clothes, but in this case with men from my past. A black hole from the past im'd me while I was away from the computer. Instead of being the strong woman I know I can be, I answered the im. As soon as I hit send I knew I had made a terrible mistake! After I hit that little button a rush of feeling and emotion came towards me like an emotional tsunami! Am I happy? Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I all three???

I was all three! I was happy to hear from him, there is no logic as to why, but I was. I was sad, he trampled all over my heart and hitting that button forced me to relive that heart break. Most of all I was mad! How dare you ask for sympathy, pity or any other feeling from me when you were so cold to me! How dare you tell me that you miss me or for that fact how dare you say anything to me at all!

A few moments after I realized my mistake I im'd my angel in waiting, my soul sister Shar. She's one of those fantastic unsung here of a friend who sets you straight. And that's what she did!

So after ten minutes of walking around the house why I hit my head saying, "I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid". I took Shar's very wise advice and I blocked him. I've blocked him before, but for some unknown, incoherent reason I unblocked.

I need to use this moment of weakness/insanity to remind myself to think with my head and not to lead with my heart. I tend to lead with my heart and think about the consequences later. Great... Now I have to ponder this all over again....

Let's Do This One More Time

2010 has been a whirl wind for me. I was single, had a boyfriend, got engaged, was planning a move and in a blink of the eye it ALL changed. I've spent the pass 6 months "mourning" what I had and what I lost. Out of the heart ache, the tears, the sadness, I've found a bit of myself again. I don't regret what's happened in the past 10 months, I think because of it I've taken with me a few life lessons. I will never let myself fall that quickly, Love is a real awesome thing and that I am way stronger than I realized!

So with the heartache more and more behind me, I'm now forced to focus on me. I have yet to make me a priority. Hell, I don't even know where to start, but I'll find the way. So for the two people who follow this I'm going to take you on my journey with me. The ups and downs, the good days & bad, the good dates & the bad. Hopefully at the end of this I'll have a better understanding of who I am.

February!

I love the month of February! My baby girl was born in February, the racing season starts and there is love in the air! February for me is a month of optimism.



In just a few days, 5 to be exact, Tessa will be 11 years old! It just seems like yesterday when I was holding this tiny little preson in my arms and now she's a 5'2" long legged young lady. How quickly the time has gone! We're getting ready to buy us both a couple of beach crusers and see what misadventures we can get into this summer. Tessa has become my partner in crime and I wouldn't have it any other way. In the very near future Tessa is going to try softball. If it's anything like soccer, she is going to LOVE it!



Now on to the racing. As most people know I have the attention span of a three year old. That is one of the reasons I love drag racing! I'm done with NASCAR by the 1st, maybe 2nd lap. This year it was a very rainy weekend with very little racing, but that didn't stop me from talking to strangers (I love stranger) and making new friends. My friends Angelo was back out, he's always great to see and torment! What I love best about Angelo is his attitude, the funny thing is that it is his attitude that gets him in trouble with everyone!

Now on to love. We all want it, we all needed it and we all can give it. I'm going to try to be more loving to all this month, but most of all I'm going to be more loving to myself. In my day-to-day of being a mom and work I loose a little be of myself. All the fun and zany things that make me me go to the side. If I put more focus on me I can put less focus on what isn't in my control. So I encourage everyone to love themselves just a little more this month!

I need a Yenta!

Ok, I give up! I throw my hands in the air! Why is it that I can NEVER make a good decision when it comes to men? If you look at my track record I have never made a good choice. I have fallen for men who are my superior at work, emotionally broken, philanderers, live too far away, inconsistent, or just want one thing (which in this case is a bad thing). I'm always choosing the Daniel Cleavers in the world and I can't seem to choose a Mark Darcy! (can you guess what I've been watching?!?)


I've done the online thing, the friends setting up thing and I've even done the club/bar thing. Yet still I can't find the one the meshes with me. I know he's out there, at least I hope he's out there! Then I start to worry, maybe I've already met him and his shipped has sailed. What if I already mucked that one up! I can drive myself crazy with the maybe's, what if's or the could have been's.


But I think I may have come up with an answer to my problem! In 2009 I'm going to get a Yenta. I will leave it in her trusting hands to find my match. I will accept any and all dates she sends my way. I wont question her judgement and go down the road she leads me. I will have an impartial third party to help me down this road. Now the only problem I have is where does one find a Yenta? Does anyone want to be my Yenta?

Let's Get Started

So, I'm the last of the sisters to join this blogging band wagon. I'm going to try to blog once a week, but no promises!